Autoimmune diseases- Listening to what the body has been holding.
I’m going to begin by talking about an experience that had a profound impact on me and which I lived through four years ago. During my time working in the National Health Service, what I have seen most often is a lack of understanding from health professionals when it comes to autoimmune diseases — and, in particular, an inability among many to recognise the interrelationship between the physical body and our emotional system.
A story I want to share
At the time, I was working in community therapy as part of a rapid response team. One day, a referral came through from a GP asking me to assess a 79-year-old woman. The note was brief:
“Not coping very well,requires an Occupational therapy assessment”
When I opened her medical records, I saw a long history of illness — six different autoimmune diagnoses. I remember thinking to myself, this is going to be interesting.
I rang her to arrange a visit. She was immediately reluctant.
“I don’t really need any help, love. I’m managing,” she said.
It took some gentle reassurance before she agreed to let me come and see her.
As I drove to her house, I had a strong gut feeling this wasn’t going to be a quick assessment.
She opened the door with a smile — brisk, chatty, almost bubbly.
“I don’t know why you’re here, honestly,” she said. “I’m fine.”
We sat down, and I asked how she’d been feeling recently. She waved it off.
“It is what it is, love. I’m used to struggling. That’s been my life.”
Then she added quickly, “I don’t want to bother you with it.”
“I’ve got time,” I told her.
At first, there was resistance — the one that comes from a lifetime of keeping things to yourself. But slowly, she began to open up.
She spoke about her childhood. An abusive father. How she learned very early to put his needs first, despite how frightening and unpredictable he could be. She talked about growing up believing that her role was to keep the peace, no matter the cost to herself.
Then she spoke about her adult life. Three marriages. Each one marked by control and violence. She described how the pattern repeated itself — how she stayed, endured, and told herself it was just something she had to cope with. No one around her ever really acknowledged what she was living through.
She told me about her second husband, and how the abuse escalated until she was terrified for her life. She spoke about escaping her third marriage with three children, starting again with nothing, and carrying the constant fear of being found.
Then her voice changed. She told me about losing one of her children at a young age — killed during a fight. She had never really spoken about it. She had simply carried on.
By this point, tears were streaming down her face. Just quiet tears, the kind that come when someone finally feels safe enough to stop holding everything in.
My phone rang several times. I knew it was work, asking me to move on to another urgent case. I ignored it.
When I finally checked the time, nearly two hours had passed.
And in my mind the words of the GP:
“Not coping very well” –kept resonating.
Not coping very well?
How is someone meant to cope well when their body has carried decades of unspoken trauma? When survival has shaped their entire nervous system? When no one has ever sat with them long enough to truly listen?
Eventually, she stopped talking and apologised.
“Thank you,” she said. “No one has ever sat and listened to me like that before. I didn’t want to trouble anyone with it.”
“I feel lighter,” she added. “Like a tonne of weight has lifted off my shoulders.”
What I saw that day wasn’t simply a list of clinical diagnoses. I saw a body that had adapted to a lifetime of threat. A nervous system that had never truly felt safe. An immune system that had learned to stay alert because, for a long time, it had no other choice.
The cost of holding everything in.
In his research Dr Gabor Maté reveals the four most common emotional patterns seen in autoimmune disease: 80% affect women.
I firmly believe that we need to prioritise emotional wellbeing as part of caring for the body as a whole.
Suppressing emotions such as anger and fear can ultimately be harmful and can manifest as physical pain or contributing to the development of other health conditions.
Autoimmune diseases, which are becoming increasingly common, share a striking feature: around 80% of those affected are women. According to physician and author Dr Gabor Maté, this is not a coincidence. His experience in palliative care and many years of research led him to identify four emotional patterns that appear repeatedly in people who develop these conditions. The key lies in how emotions influence the immune system — a connection that may seem abstract, but has very real consequences.
Autoimmune diseases can be described as conditions in which “the immune system attacks the body it is meant to protect.” Some of the most well-known include rheumatoid arthritis, systemic lupus, multiple sclerosis, thyroid disorders, diabetes, fibromyalgia, and chronic fatigue syndrome.
The four patterns that increase the risk of autoimmune diseases
Beyond medical diagnoses, there are shared behaviours and emotional patterns seen in many people affected by autoimmune conditions which, when sustained over time, can contribute to the development of illness.
The first pattern is a tendency to prioritise the needs of others above one’s own. This behaviour creates ongoing stress that weakens the immune system, leaving it more vulnerable.
The second pattern is an excessive identification with the role of the caregiver. People feel a strong sense of duty to meet tasks and responsibilities, often at the expense of their own wellbeing. “They become absorbed in their responsibilities, forgetting about themselves.”
Another significant factor is the repression of anger. These individuals are often extremely kind and avoid conflict at all costs. However, suppressing emotions such as anger has a direct effect on the body, disrupting the immune system.
Last but not least, there is the tendency to feel responsible for the emotions and wellbeing of others. This emotional burden, combined with difficulty setting boundaries, creates a level of chronic stress that is damaging to health.
The immune system is not an isolated entity acting on its own, but is interconnected with other key systems in the human body — the hormonal, endocrine, nervous and emotional systems. This relationship means that emotional stress does not only affect the mind, but can also trigger physical responses that compromise overall health.
This is why I don’t believe we can talk about autoimmune diseases without also talking about trauma and emotional wellbeing. Why we can’t fully separate the body from the emotional history it carries.
And why, sometimes, the most important thing we can offer isn’t another referral or intervention — but time, safety, and the experience of being genuinely heard.
